No girl in this world deserves to feel this pain. It’s a pain that never leaves, it’s always there. It’s like broken ribs, no-one sees it but it hurts every time you breathe.
My biggest heartbreak was at the age of 8.
I was still so little, so innocent, my heart still whole and pure. Sadness to me was not getting an ice cream.
Until that day…. That day sadness had an entirely new meaning - my childhood, my future, my dreams were stolen from me.
I remember waking up one day asking, “ where’s daddy?”
I was told that
My first love, my hero, my daddy had passed away.
A golden heart stopped beating that day.
He never said he’s leaving,
He never said goodbye,
He was gone before I knew it.
The story of my father is the greatest ever told, of a kind and loving father who had a heart of gold. He was a generous selfless man. He worked really hard to provide for his family, he was the best friend anyone could ask for, he was always there no matter what, and he helped even when he couldn't afford it himself. He would go into debt just to help a friend in need.
When we passed by a broken down car he would always stop to ask if he could help. I have so many amazing, lovely memories of my dad.
I remember the little things like the smell of his calonge, his scratchy mustache - kisses, the hair on his arms, his hands the sound of his voice, the stories he told, the ring of his laugh, but most of all I remember how his presence glowed.
And now that’s all I have left of him, his memory!!
It’s been 15 years now without my daddy...
a million times I needed him
a million times I’ve cried
and it hurts more every day.
Knowing he is not here with me.
Not here to see me graduate, to dance with me, to see me fall in love, to hold me when I’m heartbroken, to see me succeed, to support me.
He won’t be there to walk me down the aisle.
He won’t be there to play with his grandchildren.
Oh, what I would give just to say hello again.
To hear his voice, to see his smile, to sit with him and talk for a while.
I could write a million pages but I still won’t be able to say just how much I love and miss him every single day.
I can be having a great day and I suddenly get a hole in my stomach and an ache in my heart when I hear someone on the phone talking to their dad - when I see a little girl holding her dad’s hand - when I see a daughter dance with her father - when my friends call their dads for advice- or when their dad shows up to support them - those moments affect me every time and remind me of that empty place in my heart that can never be filled.
I’ll forever be grateful for the 8 years I got to spend with him. I’ll forever be grateful that he was the best dad to me and left me with so many amazing memories and high standards and values.
But
I’ll forever feel empty, like a book that was only written up to page 8 and there are still 80 pages left.
And I’ll forever wonder what my life would have been like with my daddy by my side.
He never said he’s leaving
He never said goodbye
He was gone before I knew it.
He left me so quickly and way too soon.
Fact is I’ll never get my daddy back and I’ll never be able to replace him, so all I can do now is to live a life that I know he would have been proud of, to keep his memory alive in everything I do.
One of my biggest motivations in life is to be like my father was so that I never have to doubt that he would have been proud of me.
In loving memory of my father, the man with the heart of gold
Alex Venter
(1963-2004)
Comments